Hey! It’s Thursday- let’s #throwbackaBrother! Today it’s Vishous #bdb #vishous
HEIGHT: Shorter than Rhage. Much shorter and smaller. #pipecleanercomparedtoatwobyfour
WEIGHT: Scrawny. A lightweight. Known to blow over in a stiff wind. Unlike Rhage who
stands like a mountain against a monsoon.
AGE: Old. Decrepit. Unlike Rhage who is in the prime of his life.
FAVORITE FOOD: Anything with a French name that is served on a bed of unidentifiable leafy
greens on a plate the size of a silver dollar. Oh, and also everything has to be gluten free,
organic, and non-GMO. The last Oreo I ate sent me to the emergency room because I had loose
stools and chaffing back there.
FAVORITE COLOR: Pink. Corral. Blush and bashful, Shelby’s signature colors in Steel
FAVORITE SEASON: Winter. So I can stay indoors and inspect my navel. The hair that grows
out of my ears. The lint that collects in the dryer filter and the AARP flyers we get in the mail. I
also enjoy watercolors, QVC and knitting dollies.
DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN THREE WORDS: Envious. Of. Rhage.
PERSON WHO WOULD PLAY ME IN A MOVIE: Danny d’Vito. Except it would be kind of a
catfish situation as he is much more attractive than I am.
LAST MOVIE I WATCHED: The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. I also like Yentle.
LAST SONG I LISTENED TO: Love Is Blue performed by Lawrence Welk.
LAST TIME I CRIED: When I realized I would never be as good as Rhage. I truly will never
come close to his awesomeness.
LAST TIME I LAUGHED: I don’t laugh. I am a giant black hole of soul crushing sadness and
suffering, sucking all light and laughter out of any room due to the crushing self-realization that I
will never obtain the greatness of Rhage.
WORST FEAR: Facing up to the above reality.
BEST MOMENT IN MY LIFE: When I am with Rhage. When I look into his eyes. When he
smiles at me- I’m blushing.
IN FIVE YEARS, I SEE MYSELF…: In an outpatient program, attempting and failing to address
my many shortcomings compared to Rhage’s standards of excellence and performance, both in
and out of bed.
IN A HUNDRED YEARS, I SEE MYSELF…: A hermit, living alone with nothing and nobody,
the distant echoes of all my wasted potential haunting me with how I never got even close to
Rhage’s incendiary heights of accomplishment and distinction.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY ANYTHING TO THE READERS?: I’m just really lucky that
you kind, compassionate souls managed to sit through LOVER UNDERWHELMED without
throwing up. Someday, perhaps I will attempt stereo instructions or perhaps some lines of JAVA
coding that will be better than that pile of sh**. A male can hope. Dream. Aspire. (To Rhage.)